Blog/October 2007/October 5th

October 5th 2007

Shalom, y'all -

Our first Sukkoth holiday without any rain whatsoever! The sukkah came down today, drier than when we put it up last week!! Incredible.

I'll start with a disclaimer, which is that despite the requirement to sleep in the sukkah, I did not manage to do that this year. The reason is that one is exempt if one would be "uncomfortable" -- and between the cats, the bugs, the cigarette smoke from neighbors, the screaming and yelling (of neighbors) and the streetlights which don't seem to go off, I decided I was exempt. Sorry to disenchant you...

During chol hamo`ed, we rented a car. We've been pretty much vehicle-free for the past couple months, so our movements have been restricted to wherever and whenever the bus goes. So we took a couple interested "tours" this week. First, we went to "Beit Guvrin", which is close to Beit Shemesh". It's a place with lots of man-made caves, including some used by the fighters in the Bar Kochba rebellion. There were cisterns, and dovecotes (and snakes and scorpions, according to the signs). It was a nice outing, but very hot so we didn't last as long as I would have liked.

Our next outing was to Caesaria, a coastal town which was once the seat of the Roman governance in the Land. There we saw a show in the 'hippodrome', which is actually the ruins of the Roman hippodrome there. The Romans were able to build incredibly enduring roads, fantastic aqueducts, amazing forums -- but they didn't seem to get "upholstery". After sitting on rough stone stairs for an hour, I felt like taking on the Roman Empire myself... The most entertaining moment was when King Herod appeared, in sunglasses and a tin-foil crown. Still, the show was nice and we got to catch the Mediterranean in its full beauty.

The last outing was to "Neot Kedumim", which is a "Biblical nature reserve" (the only one in the world, according to our guide). We had a guided tour and the guide gave interesting information about cisterns and the like; but he was a bit long-winded, and the time allotted was short, so we didn't get as much of a tour as I had wanted.

Odd fact: Most places to eat advertise they have a "sukkah", so that religious clientele will be able to eat there during chol hamo`ed. The odd thing is that with few exceptions, the sukkot look like they were built by people with absolutely no idea what the requirements for a sukkah are...

Now, it's important to realize that the Entire Known Universe shops for food during the intermediary days of the Festival. That is because obviously, one cannot shop on yom-tov, and the food all gets eaten no matter how much was purchased. So we went to the store to get a little more food. Daniela was with us, and I made sure she knew that shopping is a contact-sport here. Anyway, we finally got to the checkout line, but there were five people in front of us. Five doesn't *sound* like a lot, but when each one of the five has two full carts of food, it's a lot. Of course, when one has a cashier who appears to have narcolepsy, it takes much longer. Anyway, when we did finally get to the checkout itself, I said we should say a "shehecheyanu" that we made it this far (it took almost an hour). Note for Erete: the cashier had a "sexy lady" shirt, and she was not. 'Nuff said...

My daughters had been agitating for pizza all throughout the holiday period, and I said that wasn't a holiday food, so they would have to wait. Well, last night they cornered me and we agreed to order a pizza - or actually, they agreed to have me order a pizza. I told them all they had to do was tell the store what size they wanted, and what toppings - it was really easy! To make a long story short, I ended up ordering the pizza while they listened so they would learn how easy it was. Well, the first problem came when I said I wanted olives on the pizza. The guy asked me, "how many?". I said, "what do you mean, how many?". He said, "two, or four?". I said, "what do you *mean*, two or four?!?". He replied, "on two slices, or four?". I told him, "on the entire pizza". He was puzzled. While he mulled that over, I asked him how much the total would be. He was puzzled further. Finally he gave the phone to his boss, who took my order

• again*. Then I asked for a "personal" sized pizza. He said "we don't have

that size". So I asked for "small", and he didn't have that either. Apparently, they've only got "medium" and "large"; so I ordered the medium, and he told me "really, you should order the large since it's almost the same price". To which I responded we couldn't eat that much, and he said "well, suit yourself". At long last, the order was complete, and I felt like I had accomplished something of lasting worth...

Horrible, horrible! I just got my drivers licence today (the actual card, not a temporary one). The details were all accurate, but I don't know who the picture is supposed to be. It looks like they dipped me in red paint and set me on fire. They must be thinking ahead, as it would presumably be accurate after an accident. At least it's good for ten years, so I can scare anyone who sees it witless for at least that long.